August 23/24, 2009

I made it to church yesterday, but it was hard. We got there at 9:30 for breakfast, and in walked little Hannah, who is a couple of months younger than Zollie. She was wearing the cutest dress, and for a split second I forgot I wasn't pregnant anymore and thought "Oh I can't wait to buy cute dresses for..." and then I got slammed with realit again. I *won't* get to buy dresses for Anna. I won't get to put her hair up in bows or pigtails. I won't know if she'll be blonde like the boys or a redhead or a brunette like her daddy. I won't know if she'll have blue eyes like me and Zollie or brown like Ian or PG.

Bleh.

Everyone else was very nice and concerned and asked how I was doing. One woman hadn't heard yet and asked me how I was feeling, and I said "so so" and she said "Oh are you still having morning sickness?" so I had to tell her we lost the baby. That was hard, too.

Last night Victoria brought us by a wonderful supper...lasagna, sallad, corn and an apple dessert. She also gave me the Earth Mama, Angel Baby Loss Comfort kit, which was very sweet. It was nice to talk to her about how things were going. She had a stillbirth a few years ago, and we have a lot of similar parenting practices, so I could relate to what she was saying.

Today I've got Bailey, which is always fun. I've got my lesson plans together for tomorrow (just need to make some copies in the morning) and my sisters are coming by to hang out after they buy their books.

~

I sent out my third snowflake today, so I guess that means the ministry is officially up and running. It's called Snowflakes of Hope and the web address is www.SnowflakesOfHope.faithweb.com . I posted on FreeCycle that I was looking for yarn for the ministry and had a ton of responses. The whole back of my car is full of yarn now. I really hope I can bless some grieving families with the ministry. I guess I've got empathy now instead of just sympathy, and I feel like I need to do something with that - something that will honor Anna's memory, bring glory to God, and help some other families at the same time. It makes me think that if I can help others, then Anna's loss wasn't for nothing.